Thursday, 13 October 2016

I Am Selfiesh, But Will Do Something For India

So, what should do for India? With so many people already on to the job to eradicate corruption, clean-up streets, protect womenfolk, I wonder if anything is left for me.

But yes, I will do something for India which everyone will remember for ever.

With the gloom in the air about India’s medal tally at the Olympics, here is my opportunity to do my bit for the nation.

With a crooked mind like the one I have, surely I won't be doing something straight- like running a campaign for improving sports facilities etc etc. Such things will yield results in, say, after some 30 years and I need my results now.

Instead, I will work tirelessly, campaign, fight, and do everything, including killing, to ensure that a particular sport which the Indians are very good at, rather invincible, gets included in the Olympics.

And there’s one sport wherein India has impeccable skills, immense talent and is in general invincible.

That is “Selfie taking”, or “Selfie-ing”, or “Selfie-astics”, whatever you call it.

This sport is played in each town and village, street and lane, bedroom and bathroom of our country, by people of all ages, religion, class and creed.

Yes, I will force our government to declare “Selfie-ing”, the national sport of India.

And surely, the Olympic committee will not dare ignore the demands of 130 crore selfie loving Indians to include it their list of sporting event.

Even when I am writing this, I can see the glory India would be achieving, thanks to my efforts, in the next Olympics, and ever after.

The rules would be simple. Take selfies, and excel in some particular aspect of it, depending upon the variant of the game, like, taking maximum number of selfies in a minute and uploading on FB would be a criteria for winning.

Or in another variant of the game called “Pole-selfie” (like pole-vault), the player will use a pole i.e.  selfie stick,  to play the game. There could even be a “Produnova Selfie” even wherein the player will have to take selfie exactly at the moment she is upside down on the Produnova.

               Pole-selfie                                                                                                    Produnova Selfie

And in the “Relay Selfie”, a player takes a selfie and relays it to the team’s next player through WhatsApp. As soon as the next player downloads his teammates selfie on his mobile screen, he can proceed to take his own and pass on to his next mate, and so on. The team uploading of the last selfie to the Olympic’s official WhtasApp screen would win the gold.

I see immense possibilities, such as “Underwater-selfie”, “Synchronised-Selfie”, “Selfie-on-ice” etc. etc. And of course, India would be the dominating force in all varieties of this sport, collecting medals made of all metals from gold to bronze. The muscular thighs of Russian women, and the mighty lungs of African men will be rendered useless in this arena as the deft slender fingers of Indian women and men playing on selfie buttons will leave everyone behind. All that will matter in this sport, is lips with an ability to go “muaah” in a nano-second and a super thumb than taps with lighting speed.

Perhaps, thereafter  the SAI, the Sports Authority Of India, will proudly call itself  “Selfie Authority Of India”.

After doing my bit for the country, I would like to be present in the stadium in the 2020 Olympics when my countrymen (and women) stand on the victory stand with medals around their neck. I would then proudly turn my back towards them and take a selfie with that background.

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  1. Replies
    1. Thanks Mr Matheikal, for your words of appreciation.

  2. I had such a good laugh at this, Saket. Especially that first paragraph is so painfully true!

    1. Thanks Hema. Happy to know that my post was entertaining.

  3. How creative! :)
    SAI & Olympics promoting Selfie indeed!
    Le Le Le Selfie le le re!

    1. Thanks Anita, for the thought provoking prompt, and also for visiting my page.

  4. Replies
    1. :) Good for my laziness.

      Thanks Nandhini, for visting my page.

  5. “Selfie-ing”... truly it has become the national sport in India, and no one can be agonized by it more than me. My daughter clicks numerous selfies throughout the day and this sport literally causes chaos in my house. So I call myself a "Selfie-agonized Mom”.
    Hilarious post written so wittily! I had my share of laugh. After this one, Selfie-ing is going to be introduced in the next Olympics for sure.

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