Sorry To Say Sorry!

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“We are Sorry to keep you waiting”….. “Your call is important for us”…… One of our Customer Support Executive will respond to you soon”

“We are sorry to keep you waiting…………………………………………………..”

Repeat “We are Sorry …………………………”

Repeat “We are Sorry …………………………”

Repeat “We are Sorry …………………………”

Repeat 100 times” We are Sorry ……..”

Finally, a voice. “Hi, I am Rocky, your Customer Support Executive”. How may I assist you today?

Me: I am not able to receive or make any calls and SMS from my mobile No. 98********.

He: I am sorry to hear you that. Let me help you with this.

Me: I would be delighted.

He (Mumbling): Not so soon sir! (Perhaps he has a devilish smile on his face at the other end of the phone). I am sorry to inform you that our system is not able to identify you as a customer.

Me: Why?

He: I am sorry Sir. But you are not calling from the mobile No. 98******** for which you want to register a complaint. Actually you must call from the same number for which you have a complaint.

Me: I told you that the number is not working. I am not able to make any calls from that number. Hence I am using another phone to call you.

He: Sorry to know that, sir. But again sorry to inform you that to get any help from us you must call us from that number only.

Me: (Raising my voice) Come on. How is that possible? I already told you that the number isn’t working. And this call to you now is exactly about this.

He:  Sorry to hear that Sir. But sorry to inform that as per our company policy unless you call from the same number, we can not identify you as a legitimate owner of that number.

Me: This is weird. How can you be so stupi…… Okay, okay. Why don’t you identify me with my details…. That mother’s maiden name thingy and all?

He: I am sorry sir for the inconvenience. Now tell me your e-mail id, your Aadhaar card number., your driving license number, your father’s name, your mother’s name, your aunt’s second cousin’s name, your High school English teacher’s name… your………

Me: Wait, why do you want me to tell my English teacher’s name? I don’t want you to speak to her and know how poorly I had scored in Spelling and Grammar!

He: Sorry about that sir….. I mean your poor grades in spelling and grammar. And I am sorry to inform you that as per our policy unless you give us these details, we can’t help you.

(After a pause) “And sir, we have a special package for you where you can learn English Spelling and grammar through our unique SMS based learning program. And you will get a degree from IIN too”.

Me:  (Gritting my teeth)Damn it!

Me again: Okay. Here is all the info you needed to identify me. Now please solve my problem.

He: Sorry sir for the inconvenience you are facing with your mobile number.  I have registered your complaint and our back-end technical team will call you within 24 working hours to solve the problem.

Me: Wait! What’s this 24 working hours? Do you mean that with 8 working hours per day the 24 working hours are actually 3 days? Will it take so long for your technical team to contact me?

He (Perhaps grinning):  Sorry Sir. I am sorry to inform you that it may be longer than that. Because next two days are Saturday and Sunday- non-working days for us. Then Monday is a festival-holiday. The Tuesday is our General Manager’s  wife’s birthday, so all of will be at the party… Wednesday is again a festival-holiday, Thursday is our group picnic so a non-working day for us. Friday is as you know the Good Friday. Then Saturday……….

Me (screaming): This is madness. You mean to say that I will have to wait for next to next Thursday, a good 12 days from now before your 24 working hour period is over?

He: Sorry Sir, but we are not allowed to do any calculations about this. We can only inform that our team will contact you within next 24 working hours.

Me: I demand to speak to your senior.

He: Okay sir, I will connect you to my senior now. Sorry again for the inconvenience you are facing.

Silence for a minute then a voice appears from the other side of the phone.

The Voice: How may I assist you sir?

(The voice seems familiar)

Me: Wait…. Are you not the same person I was talking to? See, I asked you to let me speak to your senior. Didn’t I?

The Voice: Yesssss Sir. But actually I have just been promoted. Looking at my splendid performance during this call, they have promoted me to a senior position just now. So technically now I am the person you were wanting to speak to.

Me(Despaired): Never mind. …… Ok just give me a complaint number.

He: Sorry sir, but I can’t give you any complaint number now. The complaint number will be SMSed to your mobile number 98********.

Me: But that number isn’t working. I am not able to get any calls or sms on it. How will I see my complaint registration number then?

He: Sorry Sir, but I can’t give you the compliant number. As per our procedure the complaint number will be SMSed to 98******** only.

He (continuing): …Sorry for the inconvenience sir. But don’t worry, our technical team will call you on 98******** within 24 working hours.

Me (shocked): What did ya say? They will call me on 98********? But the number isn’t working. And that’s what all this is about!

He: Sorry to hear that your number 98******** isn’t working sir. But as per our policy, our team will contact you at your number 98******** only. So please be available when they call you at this number.

Me (Pulling my hair now): What the ****!

He: Sorry Sir??

Me (gaining consciousness): Okay, okay, enough. You don’t have to be sorry for the poor services you company is providing to me. See, this isn’t personal. I am just annoyed with the services I am getting from your company.

He: Sorry Sir. Sorry to note that.

Me (sympathetically): Why do you keep on saying sorry for every small and big thing? Please understand that your sorry doesn’t not help me. All I need is a resolution for the problem and not apologies from you.

He: Sorry Sir. Sorry to note that you do not want to hear sorry from us. Bur Sorry sir, we have been trained to tell you sorry again and again till you feel sorry for us. In fact I can say sorry in 30 different languages…. English, Kannada, Arabic, Bengali…. Which one do you prefer sir? And if you want to hear sorry in French, press ‘5’ the next time you call us, and press ‘6’ for hearing sorry in German.

Me (Banging my head on wall): I am sorry. I am really sorry that I made this call to Customer Care……

He: Sorry sir to hear that you are feeling sorry. But as per our policy…………..

Me: #$%^&***&**

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Sorry if this brings you back memories of similar experience you have had with Customer Support.

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The Tirupati Moment

I could have easily skipped writing on this week’s prompt had I not read Ashwath’s post (Since I am very uncomfortable writing about myself or my life). Ashwath’s post prompted me to share a similar experience I had with Tirupati and the God presiding there. And the line in his post, ‘It’s not chivalrous to live in denial of one’s emotional identity….” gives me courage.

Unlike Aswath’s post, which is a tale of his honestly keeping his end of deal with God breaking the strings of ‘pretentious molar of false ego,’ as he calls it, mine is a tale of my failure to keep my promise arising out of my inhibition to shed the coolness factor, which I assume, came from my arrogance of not acknowledging my limitations in the functioning of universe.

I had never claimed to be an Atheist, even an agnostic. Perhaps this makes my offence more serious than that of an atheist. In my case, it was an offence committed not in ignorance but with full knowledge, a breach of contract.

We humans are helpless yet greedy beings, always wishing for things which are beyond our capabilities or entitlement. I am no different. Behind the cloak of my self-confidence and ego of self-reliance, lied my desire to turn the dice of luck in my favour.

Seeking to be granted favours from the powers of the universe I had pledged my hair the God who presides over Tirupati. But once favours granted, my false ego and inhibition to accept my frailty, (to lose the coolness factor), I acted conveniently,defaulting on the promise.

A convenient breach of contract, and act of deception with someone who I thought was too indifferent to remind me for his dues, was an act of dastardity on my part.

However, in the time that followed, I found myself cursed with adversities beyond the control of human means. The universal dice unfavoured me in its each and every throw. I was surrounded with troubles which although I did not expect yet knew that I did not qualify to undeserve them either. Surrounded with situations beyond the influence of human means or will, I experienced the futility of money, power and resources.

Having the convenience of being a believer, I turned to the God at Tirupati to help me sail through the circumstances no human has neither competence nor resources to cross. Finally, I accepted my defeat and paid my dues to the God to seek forgivance.

I remember having been told in my early childhood, “As you grow up, you will start believing less in things like luck and God and more in your ability to change things by yourself." However, the opposite happened to me. The experience made me realize limitation of tools humans have-  will-power, money etc., and the influence the unexplained, not-fully-known alien power known as God exercises over the universe and its laws.

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This post is written on following prompt

Life is unpredictable !! Write about your unpredictable moment which changed your life !! #UnpredictableMoment

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The Zeroth Dimension!

Lucifer was agitated. The Nobel Prize for physics had been announced and not him but his fellow scientist Richard had won it for his theory on 5^th dimension.

Lucifer was one of the most renowned physicists, just like Richard. However, given his belief that the forces of universe are evil, he was nicknamed Lucifer by the scientist community.

Both he and Richard were working on dimensionalism, i.e. discovering dimensions beyond the four known till then. While he was working to prove existence of 0^th dimension, Richard was researching on 5^th dimension.

Lucifer too had submitted his theory on 0^th dimension for the Nobel Prize. In his theory, he had claimed that not only does the 0^th dimension exist, but it rules over all other dimensions including the known four- length, width, depth, and time.

Although both Lucifer and Richards completed and presented their research at the same time, the world lapped up Richard’s discovery of 5^th dimension with applause and rejected Lucifer’s 0^th dimension theory. The scientist community laughingly called his 0^th dimension theory a wild imagination or a science fiction at best.

Lucifer found it hard to digest the insult. He knew he was right- the 0^th-dimension really existed. A dimension which represents nothingness. A dimension which supersedes all other dimensions of the universe and can destroy all of them- including the 4^th dimension called time.

His logic was simple. If E = MC² is true, so should be E – MC² = 0. It means that all the energy and mass of the universe can be converged into nothingness represented by the 0 in the right hand side of the equation.

The Nobel Prize announcement was the last straw on camel’s back. Jilted, Lucifer knew what he wanted to do. He would have to show the world in practice, and not just in theory, that the 0^th dimension existed, that he was right.

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He walked through the security checks to get into the Large Hadron Collider tunnel. A scientist of his eminence hardy deserved to be stopped or asked any questions at this most advance particle research facility at Geneva. 

Inside the tunnel, different particles like Photon, Boson and Hadron were streamed continuously and their collisions studied in order to unravel the mysteries of universe. The research had already led the scientists to believe that there could be up to 10 dimensions and not just four as was believed earlier. What they didn’t believe in was the 0^th dimension.  

Lucifer inserted in a small chip into the particle emitter tube. The tube started emitting Photons which travelled back and forth at the speed of light through the 27 Kilometre long tunnel. But these weren’t ordinary Photons. These were the ones which could attain 0^th dimension, and could make the surroundings attain the same.

Inside the tunnel, as the newer photons collided with the ones reflected back from the end of the tunnel, they lost a dimension. First, they became two dimensional entities, just having length and width but no depth, then they turned one –dimensional – linear entities. And after the fourth collision, they turned into something which had 0-dimensions.

And this wasn’t the end. The Photons which went into the 0^th dimension, behaved like tiny balckholes spreading 0-dimensionism. They triggered a chain reaction where all matter surrounding them got sucked into them and vanished.

Soon, everything inside and around the tunnel started vanishing into the newly formed tiny blackholes, the 0-dimensional entities.

First, the tunnel collapsed, then the city of Geneva, followed by the Earth, Solar System and the galaxy Milkyway. Soon the Universe started to implode, with stars, planets, black-holes and all matter rushing towards the 0-dimensional vortex and vanishing therein forever.

                                        Soon the universe started imploding
The Hadron Tunnel became a 0-dimensional blackhole
gobbling up the matter around it.          

And all this happened instantaneously without any time lapse, since the 4^th dimension time had already been gobbled up by the 0th dimension.

Lucifer’s prophecy that “if E = MC² is true, then E – MC² = 0 should also be true”, had come true. the sum of all the energy and the matter contained in the universe had become 0. His revenge was complete. Only that he wasn’t around to witness it.

It is not known if the universe, converted into 0-dimensional nothingness will remain like that for ever, or this would be the beginning of next big bang with matter again borning out of nothingness and start forming a new universe.

Because no one really knows how 0-dimensionanism behaves.

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Another of my Sci-Fi is here E = MC²

This post is written for following prompt

Write a post on 0 (Zero). Write anything- humour, short story, haiku, poem, or a memory. #zero

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Running Between The Wickets!

India’s World Cup victory in 1983 ignited passion for cricket in me. As I watched Kapil Dev taking that legendary catch off Vivian Richards, I vowed that I will one day play the World Cup finals by myself.

This is the story of my passion for running between the wickets……

I saw that match,

That wonderful catch,

Which sent Viv Richards out,

In that all important bout…..

I saw him hold the cup,

With flow of champagne and wine,

And got shivers,

Down my spine…

Took out my bat and ball,

In a moment, was joined by my pals

Playing with a rubber ball,

We drew stumps on the wall…..

We played day and night,

With all our will and might…..

I dreamed of holding the bat,

One day, on international mat……

I shall put the pitch on fire,

In Lords, Oval, and Lancashire….

I shall send Imran for a six,

And put Aussies in a fix…….

I shall hold the cup again in hand,

India will rule the 22 yards land….

But when I grew,

It was entirely a different view….

I did well in the game,

Got some name and fame,

I took good catches,

And won a few matches….

“He is good with bat,” the word spread,

But my dad sternly said,

“The pen, and not the bat,

will fetch you your bread”…….

Pen is mightier than the bat, I was told,

And pen was the thing I went on to hold…..

The stumps, bat and ball,

Lay in a corner of hall…..

Then one day…………..

I saw the old stumps,

And got goose bumps……

The bat came to life,

And ball ready for a strife……….

I called up a few old chaps,

Who all came wearing white caps…..

The world around me changed,

As the stumps were arranged…….

As I hit the ball,

Over boundary-wall,

I realize, this is something,

Which was my true call…….

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Don't Hate The Mask!

This week’s Prompt......

Mask and masks, masks everywhere. What is it that the mask tries to hide? put it in prose poem, poetry, micro-poem, haiku or anything lyrical.

Mask on me, mask on you,

None can tell, who is who!

Mask on him, mask on her,

Masks come in various, colour and calibre!

Mask on the face, mask on the eyes,

Mask for the naive, mask for the wise!

Masks are long, masks are round,

If worn well, they give power abound!

Masks are enticing, yet masks are trap,

Look, there’s one, down the white cap!

Mask on the truth, mask on the lie,

With a mask on face, you never feel shy.

You loved your mask, but was love your mask?

I never knew, chose not to ask!

Don’t hate masks, masks aren’t sin,

‘cause without your mask, you can’t win!

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I am On Indiblogger

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Mirror-Mirror

It was a holiday and I was visiting the Mirror-Maze section of the amusement park.

Walking through the maze, I was surrounded by multiple images of mine in the mirrors around me. They were everywhere………., in front of me, behind me, to my right, and to my left. Then there was one above me on the mirror attached to the ceiling.

I started feeling a bit dizzy, so I took a pause.  Catching my breath I was enjoying being surrounded by my own images. They looked just like me. They moved exactly as I moved. If I moved to front, they moved to front. When I moved back, they too moved back. When I laughed, they too laughed. When I made a face, so did they too. I started entertaining myself by moving my body-parts in various dance-like movements. I was enjoying the sight of the images mimicking me.

Suddenly, I felt that one particular image of mine, the one right in front of me, was a bit different.  I felt that this one wasn’t mimicking me........

I watched it once again, a little more attentively this time, just to make sure that it was only my own reflection in the mirror. Yes, it looked exactly like me, dressed in white shirt and grey trousers, and wearing the same specs.  It was me undoubtabally.

Looking towards my reflection, I made a weird face, then smiled, and then removed my specs expecting it to follow my actions……..

But it didn’t………

Rather, it kept on staring at me with serious and meaningful look.

I got a feeling of bewilderment and uneasiness in me. What this image is? Who is it?

Before I could react, the image moved. The man quickly took out a revolver from his pocket and put pointed straight towards my head. “Freeze,” he shouted.

So, he wasn't my reflection, but someone real.

Raising my hand up I asked, “Who are you? And what do you want?”

“I am you,” he replied staring straight into my eyes. “I am your persona from the parallel universe,” 

Watching my puzzled looks, he went on to elaborate.

“You may not know, but a parallel universe exists which is just a replica of your own universe, and that’s where I come from.”

“My universe is a parallel universe to your universe. Everything and everyone who is in this world, has an exact replica  in the parallel universe. Like you exist in this world, and I am your replica existing in the parallel world.”

I had started to understand.

“So it was true,” I thought. “The speculation that a parallel universe exists is true.” And I here was facing my own persona from the parallel universe who had traveled through light years to meet me.

The Parallel universe

He spoke more. “Whatever happens in your universe happens in our universe. Every event which happens in your world happens exactly in the same way in our world too." 

“But there is a major difference- On timescale, my universe precedes your universe by exactly one hour,” he informed me. "It means that whatever happens in your world, happens one hour before in the parallel universe, " he continues.

“Foe example, I was actually born in parallel universe exactly one hour before you were born in your universe. And I will die exactly one hour before you die,” he explained.

As I understood what he was saying, I asked the question most relevant in the situation, “What do you want? Why have you come here?”

He looked straight into my eyes and replied, “I have come to commit suicide. I am fed up with my life in the parallel universe and want to die. However, I can not cease to exist as long as you are existing, so I have come here to kill you……..so that I too would stop existing.”

“You are the root cause of my existence,” he said without taking his eyes off from me. “I am going to kill you now just to allow myself give up my existence.”

Before I could react, he pressed the lever of revolver. I heard a loud bang and then sound of shattering of glass. Then I felt a sharp pain inside my head caused by the bullet travelling through my brain. Soon, I was dead.

However, just an hour before I died, my parallel persona from the parallel universe had to die. As per the laws of parallel universes, all events of his universe had to precede the events of this universe by one hour. This included my death also. Hence ‘his death’ took place exactly one hour before ‘my death’....

But again, as he died one hour before the time he met me to  fire the bullet, he could not have fired the bullet at me (A dead man can’t hold a revolver and shoot). This chain of events logically resulted into my not getting shot at and killed. So I survived.

But since I survived, he stayed alive (and didn’t die an hour before). And since he was alive, he certainly met me and fired that killing bullet at me. This improvised chain of events could have no other consequence than my being dead, killed by the bullet he shot. But my death meant an even earlier death for my killer (an hour before), and so again I escaped getting killed. But then…………………

The events created by me and my parallel persona from the other universe had pushed both of us into fifth dimension. We were trapped in the fifth dimension shuttling back and forth between events and didn’t know how to come out………

My family searched for me everywhere but couldn’t find. They had last seen me entering the mirror-maze. Nobody saw me coming out from there, but at the same time, they didn’t find any trace of me inside the mirror-maze either.

Naturally. People from this world could not see the fifth dimension I had got trapped into.

The Fifth Dimension

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Would you like to read some of other weird sci-fi?

E=MC²

TimeWrap

My Weird Travels

A few more of my sci-fi works are here

The above post was written for following prompt in Indiblogger

One fine day, you bump into someone who resembles you, and you realise that he/she is your twin. How would you react?#ImaginativeStory

Posted by Sailaja under Short Stories
14 votes

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