Sunday, 17 April 2016

Fick This Fiction!!!!!!!



Some of my favourite fiction and how they impacted me.


The Election Manifestos
By- Politicians of India,  and the world
Published- Gets published generally every 5 years in contries with electoral democracy including India. 


It reads something like this-

Our party ***** under the leadership of ****** is committed to the upliftement of every Indian (or Ethopian or Cambodian or Bulgarian) and lead them to a heaven called Utopia.


Some examples are-
 1970s- Garibi Hatao (Eradicate poverty)- Yes. And the authors of this fiction eradicated their own poverty first.
1990s- Towards 21st Century- Yeah, we reached to 21st century as promised by them, though not because of them, but despite them.


How it impacted me- Increased my vocabulary. Earlier I never knew that ‘progress’ actually means swelling of their bank accounts.     



The Glorious Past Of India
By- Various (narcissists) Indians

This book claims that the ancient India had airplanes, missiles, cure for AIDS, television, wireless telephony, and  nuclear weapons; and that too at a time when the world was struggling to invent a wheel!!

Image courtesy ancient-origins.net

Oky, but what happened to the infinite knowledge we possessed? Did the aliens, scared of India’s prowess, landed here and erased the memory of our ancient scientists? Or were they abducted by aliens and taken to planet “Humgoo”?


The problem with this fiction is that a large number of people believe in it and any voice of reason against it is considered “traitorous”.



The Glorious Future Of India
By The Daydreamers

This book of fiction says soon India will be a superpower. When I was in school, they said this will happen in the year 2000. Then they said it would be in 2015. Now they say that in 2050 India will take over world’s economy.  The present superpowers USA and China will then bow before India and beg for mercy.


Image Courtesy - Slideshare

Oh yeah! Looks like to turn the statement “India will become a superpower” into realty, every country like China, or Sweden, or Brazil or Germany will have to be renamed as “India”.


How it impacted me- Made me regret why I wasn’t born in ancient times, or why didn’t I waited to be born till 2050!     



We Bring You The World Class Technology And Products
By- The Marketers

The ‘product’ could be anything- A washing machine, an Air-conditioner, a hair dryer or even a shampoo. Authored by some IIM educated marketer, this piece of fiction claims that a particular product is a revolutionary one, invented after years of research, probably by from NASA.


When they say ‘World Class’, they aren’t wrong. The shampoo could have been made from a toxic by-product generated during making of a detergent in USA but deported to India due to the stringent disposal laws there.


How it impacted me- Makes me wonder why my world class products bring me world class headaches by going boink soon!



Sale - Discount up to 99%
By The Marketers

This classic is from the same authors- ‘The Marketers’. The central theme of this fiction is the discount being offered on various good no one needs, like thirty, forty, fifty, ninety , and ninetynine point nine percent. (It’s a pity that they couldn’t offer more than 100% discount, just because of the very definition of percentage).


Upon reading this type of fiction, my faith in humanity gets restored. Some philanthropic guy out there is offering superb products at throwaway prices to me instead of his brother-in-law, his friend, his neighbour’s wife, his boss, and the boss’s sister in law.


How it impacted me- Makes me wonder why my house is stuffed with goods I most often ‘forget’ to use!



The Happiness Spreaders
By The caring and happiness spreading MNCs


“We at **** Cola are committed the environment and health of people. Our deep concern for the precious resource of the earth and it's environment is deeply rooted in our philosophy and hence we run our business in environment friendly and sustainable manner. Behind every drop of ****Cola, is our genuine concern for your health.”


And then the authors proceed to suck the earth dry of its ground water in order to fill millions of bottles with coloured chemicals marketed as elixir for happiness.


How it impacted me- Make me feel guilty that I am depriving myself  of the ultimate happiness they sell in bottles by sticking to my nimbu-paani and butter-milk.



The Social Activism
By The NGOs

“We are committed to show genuine concern for the society we live in and to our CSR polies are a means give back to the society……bhah bhah


Give me a break. When you mean society, it’s some forum which provides you an opportunity to flash your name all over the place. And when you ‘give’, you do it in full glare of media and surrounded with flashbulbs.


How it impacted me- Made me feel guilty that I never made any donations to them but just paid my taxes fairly, that too without any flash-bulbs around.



The Winning Speech At Beauty Pageants
By- Miss India, Miss World, Miss Universe


"My dream is to use this title of miss India/World/Universe bestowed on me to help the world’s poor and hungry, downtrodden and helpless, and teach the world the virtues of sharing and caring" etc. etc.


Yeah, and what better way to achieve this than to start dancing around in Bollywood flicks!


How it impacted me- I attained the divine knowledge that to help the world’s poor, you need to be a 36-24-36 figure.


And now, my most favourite one

Oo la la la la le o, Oo la la la la le o


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This post is written on following prompt in Indiblogger


Which fiction author's book/novel you like most? Why?

5 comments:

  1. This piece is supposed to be a satire I presume?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hahaha ! Enjoyed reading your favourite fiction !!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Maya, for letting me know this!

      Delete
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