Friday, 4 November 2016

The Tirupati Moment




I could have easily skipped writing on this week’s prompt had I not read Ashwath’s post (Since I am very uncomfortable writing about myself or my life). Ashwath’s post prompted me to share a similar experience I had with Tirupati and the God presiding there. And the line in his post, ‘It’s not chivalrous to live in denial of one’s emotional identity….” gives me courage.

Unlike Aswath’s post, which is a tale of his honestly keeping his end of deal with God breaking the strings of ‘pretentious molar of false ego,’ as he calls it, mine is a tale of my failure to keep my promise arising out of my inhibition to shed the coolness factor, which I assume, came from my arrogance of not acknowledging my limitations in the functioning of universe.

I had never claimed to be an Atheist, even an agnostic. Perhaps this makes my offence more serious than that of an atheist. In my case, it was an offence committed not in ignorance but with full knowledge, a breach of contract.

We humans are helpless yet greedy beings, always wishing for things which are beyond our capabilities or entitlement. I am no different. Behind the cloak of my self-confidence and ego of self-reliance, lied my desire to turn the dice of luck in my favour.

Seeking to be granted favours from the powers of the universe I had pledged my hair the God who presides over Tirupati. But once favours granted, my false ego and inhibition to accept my frailty, (to lose the coolness factor), I acted conveniently,defaulting on the promise.

A convenient breach of contract, and act of deception with someone who I thought was too indifferent to remind me for his dues, was an act of dastardity on my part.

However, in the time that followed, I found myself cursed with adversities beyond the control of human means. The universal dice unfavoured me in its each and every throw. I was surrounded with troubles which although I did not expect yet knew that I did not qualify to undeserve them either. Surrounded with situations beyond the influence of human means or will, I experienced the futility of money, power and resources.

Having the convenience of being a believer, I turned to the God at Tirupati to help me sail through the circumstances no human has neither competence nor resources to cross. Finally, I accepted my defeat and paid my dues to the God to seek forgivance.

I remember having been told in my early childhood, “As you grow up, you will start believing less in things like luck and God and more in your ability to change things by yourself." However, the opposite happened to me. The experience made me realize limitation of tools humans have-  will-power, money etc., and the influence the unexplained, not-fully-known alien power known as God exercises over the universe and its laws.

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This post is written on following prompt

8 comments:

  1. As an avowed non-believer, I think you mis-perceived the cause-effect relationship. Your guilt feelings must have been the actual cause of what followed. If there is a god he/she can't be vindictive, I suppose. Otherwise what kind of a god is it if he/she is going to punish people for not offering hair or whatever?

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    1. I am more inclined to believe God as an alien superpower (s) who programmed the universe, framed the laws of physics, and exercises control over the matter and events of the universe the same way as a programmer of computer games does over the game created by him. Hence he may or may not have the benevolent, ever forgiving persona he is thought to possess in the more popular opinion. In my opinion, He may or may not be a biological entity, or he could be some law of physics.

      Thanks Mr Matheikal for reading. I am glad to read varied perspectives on the subject.

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  2. To believe or not to believe, the perennial debate happening in my household with two grown up adult boys who as you rightly pointed out, turning agnost and atheist in the growing up years...on so many numerous occasions, such incidents of not paying back resulting in tumult and chaos have happened in my life that is is hard to shrug them off as coincidences or cause effect happenings!The super power, though definitely not in physical or biological form but as strong matter, molecules, atome, cells do rule us from within and outside! A very insighful post Saket..

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    1. I agree. It's not the form but the existence and influence of the superpower which matters. Perhaps, advancements in physics may let us have some answers in future.

      Thanks Sunita, for visiting my page and sharing your thoughts.

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  3. BTW, the ladoos are delectable indeed:)

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  4. At the end of the day, it is all connected with beliefs....

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